Is Your Boss a Bully? Here's How to Deal

Whether you've experienced the wrath of a bullying boss or not it's a situation a lot of workers have or will come across in their careers. In a 2010 survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute, 35 percent of workers say they've experience bullying firsthand and an additional 15 percent have witnessed it.

Most of the time it's same-gender harassment. "A manager who is overly watchful, aggressive and unreasonable in his or her demands can be a workplace bully," explains Stacy Harris, director of human resources at Bersin & Associates, a research and advisory services firm.

Is your boss the bullying kind? Here how to deal:

1.  Acknowledge the problem

Making excuses for your boss or blaming yourself for the problem can prevent you from moving forward in order to solve the dilemma. Taking the time to acknowledge the problem and realizing that it's out of your control is an important first step. Bullying is external and understanding that you did not invite the problem is one of the first steps, according to Gary Namie, director of the Workplace Bullying Institute.

2.  Don't let go of your self-esteem

"People who bully feel weak and vulnerable -- making other people feel small makes them feel bigger," says workplace consultant Esther Derby, president of Esther Derby Associates. With constant pressure from your boss, it can be easy to forget how difficult it can be on your psyche. Be sure to spend time with friends, family, volunteering or participating in projects at work away from your boss and department. Seeing your value outside of your bullying boss will give you more strength to address the problem.

3.  Have a measured response

Before speaking up, it's important to really build your case. Take notes to catalog the specific incidents and find out if others have complained about this particular person. Get a well-rounded picture. Additionally, be sure to manage your own aggression or hostility. While it can be easy to act unprofessional to a bullying boss, having a measured response will help you build a stronger case. "Meeting aggression with aggression can cause the situation to spiral out of control you don't want to turn into a jerk to tame a jerk," Derby explains. "Accept that you can't change the person and change your response."

4.  Present your problems to the right person

Knowing whom to turn to in the case of a bullying boss can be tricky. Unless your relationship with your boss is completely strained, it's better to do your due diligence and first let your boss know that you are unhappy with the way you're being treated. Remember to document the response in the form of an e-mail or your own notes.

If the conversation did not have the results you hoped for, it may be time to turn to someone higher up at the company. Don't start with your boss's superior, who has likely seen another side of your boss, Derby says. "Many bullies behave very differently when they aren't in a position of power, so their manager may see a very different sort of behavior from that person," she says. A human resources employee's interests," Derby says. "The higher in the management chain the abuser is, the less likely that HR will take action." representative can mean another wrong turn and may simply tiptoe around the problem. "HR's job is to protect the company's interests, not the individual

Instead, opt for the highest-ranking official that would be able to hear you out in a respectful manner. It can be difficult to find the right person, but starting with a vice president or senior manager who can have an impact on personnel issues may be your best bet.

5.  Consider switching gears

If there's no way to work out a solution, it may be up to you to leave the company entirely, which is common for those dealing with bullying bosses. "People who have options usually leave rather than put up with a bully boss," Derby says. "Often the people who stay are the ones who are too beaten down to see other options for themselves."

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By Alina Dizik, Special to CareerBuilder

America's Worst Bosses of 2010

You may think your boss is bad, but at least he/she didn't try to run over you with a truck, put body fluid in your coffee cup or tell you "No honey, no money" to get you to exchange sexual favors for your paycheck. All these heinous stunts and more can be found on eBoss Watch's list of "America's Worst Bosses of 2010."

Actors Steven Seagal and Casey Affleck are on the list at numbers 46 and 73, respectively. Former Congressman Eric Massa is the highest ranking public figure, coming in fourth. The rest of the 100-strong list is made up of both male and female professionals, managers, business owners and government officials from across the country.

They were named among the worst bosses in America by a panel of workplace experts, on behalf of eBossWatch.com, a website that enables people to anonymously rate their bosses, and posts news clips of lawsuits filed against people abusing their authority.

Some have been publicly accused of actions so vile we can't even print them. Here are 10 bosses that caught our attention with their corresponding eBossWatch.com ranking:

1. Eddie Burns

Fire-Rescue Chief, Dallas, Texas

He's No. 1 on the list for costing the city of Dallas $1.4 million to settle lawsuits filed by female employees claiming that he allowed atrocious behavior on his watch, "because you're a woman." A female plaintiff alleged she found male body fluid in a coffee cup and smeared across a photo of her daughter, urine on the carpet by her bed and various other acts of sexual harassment.

The plaintiffs alleged that when they complained to their supervisors about the hostile incidents, they were mostly ignored and often suffered retaliation.

2. Samuel Blackwell

Greyhound, Richmond, Va.

Blackwell is on the list for getting his employer, Greyhound, sued for sexual harassment, retaliation, negligent supervision, and infliction of emotional distress. A female employee claims he continuously sexually harassed her, and invited her to go with him to a private company dorm room to "give him a little" in exchange for increasing her hours and not firing her. Another supervisor suggested the plaintiff go into the room with the boss in order to be caught in the act.

Apparently things got way out of hand before the supervisor was able unlock the door and catch him. Both the boss and the plaintiff were eventually fired.

4. Rep. Eric Massa

Congressman (D-N.Y.)

Massa resigned after being investigated by the House ethics committee for several sexual harassment complaints that he groped at least two male aides and sexually propositioned young male staffers and interns. Massa, who is married with two children, admitted in an interview with Fox News Channel's Glenn Beck that he did grope a male aide, but he denied that it was sexual.

Massa said, "Now they're saying I groped a male staffer. Yeah, I did. Not only did I grope him, I tickled him until he couldn't't breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me."

He admitted his behavior was wrong, and told Beck, "I should never have allowed myself to be as familiar with my staff as I was."

5. Justin Murdock

Dole Food Co. heir, Los Angeles

The billionaire senior vice president of Investments at Castle & Cooke and CEO of NovaRx, was accused of sexual harassment by a director of corporate development who claims he did all sorts of vile deeds, including forcing her to open a Facebook account for him under the name "Cobra McJingleballs," which was filled with graphic images including a minstrel-show actor in black face and an old black-and-white photo of men dressed in Ku Klux Klan robes; telling her, "You look like a whore"; and threatening her life, saying, "If NovaRx fails, I'll put you at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean in concrete boots."

6. Paul Zatko

Chrysler, Perrysburg, Ohio

He allegedly used racial slurs for his employees and is accused of telling an African American employee that he was going to get a rope that would ''leave burn marks around my neck.'' The employee was told it was "shop talk" or "just a joke," but he found no humor in it, and is suing Chrysler LLC for race discrimination, harassment and retaliation at the company's Toledo Machining Plant.

7. Andre Chreky

Celebrity hairstylist, Washington, D.C.

The owner of the upscale Andre Chreky Salon Spa, located just blocks from the White House -- whose whose clientele has included Laura Bush and the Bush twins as well as many of D.C.'s elite -- is being accused of sexual harassment by two former employees. He has also filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

Among the complaints is that he forcibly shoved an employee into a chair and demanded oral sex. Chreky was ordered to pay $3.2 million in damages for that one. More claims accuse Chreky of repeatedly making similar demands of another employee, and nine employees have sworn they witnessed this.

Chreky maintains his innocence and worked out a deal to keep the salon open during bankruptcy proceedings.

20. Danette Adams

New Jersey Department of Public Works manager, Englewood, N.J.

She's the highest ranking female boss on the list. Police charged the African American supervisor with attempted assault for allegedly trying to run over a white male employee who had filed a lawsuit against the city accusing Adams of racial discrimination. The suit claims that Adams created a hostile work environment where she allegedly referred to the white men who she supervised as "pet dogs" and snapped her fingers and yelled "Come here, white boy, come here, white boy."

23. Dionisios Linardos

Owner, Apollo Restaurant, Lynn, Mass.

The 66-year-old is being charged with sexual harassment, indecent assault and battery of a 21-year-old female employee of the restaurant. Linardos allegedly demanded sex from her in order to receive her paycheck, proclaiming, "no honey, no money." She also claims that Linardos made repeated sexual advances toward her, including touching her buttocks and brushing up against her breast.

46. Steven Seagal

Actor, Los Angeles

He allegedly demanded sexual favors from a 23-year-old former model who was hired as an executive assistant. According to court documents, she "was told that the job involved standard clerical functions as the executive assistant for Steven Seagal and his production company." But on her first work-related trip with Seagal to New Orleans, she claims that Seagal asked her for a "massage" and then proceeded to grope her.

She also claims Seagal had been "keeping two young female Russian 'attendants' on staff who were available for his sexual needs 24 hours a day, seven days a week."

The charges filed against Seagal and his production company, Steamroller Productions, include sexual harassment, illegal trafficking of females for sex, retaliation, wrongful termination, and false representations about employment.

73. Casey Affleck

Actor/producer, Los Angeles

The younger brother of Ben Affleck reached an out-of-court settlement with two women who accused him of sexual harassment, although his attorney called their claims "preposterous and without merit."

A female producer claimed she was denied her producing fee on a documentary about Joaquin Phoenix after she refused to spend the night in a hotel room with Affleck.

Her charges include that Affleck repeatedly referred to women as "cows"; and he discussed his sexual exploits and those of other celebrities that he allegedly witnessed.

Although financial terms of the settlement are being kept confidential, the producer and a female cinematographer had demanded $2 million and $2.25 million, respectively.

Asher Adelman, founder of eBossWatch, said, "It is shocking to think that people have had to endure such extreme cases of workplace bullying in order to bring home a paycheck. Hopefully, the America's Worst Bosses list will help demonstrate the importance for managers to cultivate a positive, healthy, and productive work environment for their employees."

America's Worst Bosses 2010

Rank	Boss	Organization	Location
1	Eddie Burns	Dallas Fire-Rescue	Dallas, TX
2	Samuel Blackwell	Greyhound	Richmond, VA
3	Orlando Pizarro	Newport Swim and Fitness	Jersey City, NJ
4	Eric Massa	US House of Representatives	Washington, DC
5	Justin Murdock	Castle & Cooke	Los Angeles, CA
6	Paul Zatko	Chrysler	Perrysburg, OH
7	Andre Chreky	Andre Chreky Salon Spa	Washington, DC
8	Don Gough	City of Lynnwood	Lynnwood, WA
9	John Kuryak, James Lisinski, Gary Bluman, Robert Mendez	Erie County Water Authority	Buffalo, NY
10	John Kessel	Fairbrook Medical Clinic	Hickory, NC
11	Raymond Montgomery, Jeffrey Chafee, Tim Kreischer	Harrah’s Resort	Atlantic City, NJ
12	David Kelley	Little Caesars Pizza	Godfrey, IL
13	Leigh Voltmer	True North	Columbia, MO
14	John Sullivan	Cook County Sheriff's Department	Chicago, IL
15	Pat Buckley	Dane Construction	New Brunswick, NJ
16	Craig Littlejohn	Department of the Interior	Washington, DC
17	Juan Marin, Alberto “Camello” Sanchez, Simon Ramirez	Evans Fruit Company	Sunnyside, WA
18	Keith Jones	First Baptist Church of Canton	Canton, GA
19	Skip Sand	Michaels Stores	Boca Raton, FL
20	Danette Adams	New Jersey Department of Public Works	Englewood, NJ
21	Curtis Preece, Clive Haynes, Ralph Aliseo, Persad Bissessar	Water and Wastewater Services	Plantation, FL
22	Nelson Wood	Affordable Care	Brookline, MA
23	Dionisios Linardos	Apollo Restaurant	Lynn, MA
24	Chauncey Depew	attorney	Kansas City, MO
25	Kevin White	Hillsborough County	Tampa, FL
26	Wendell Cocke	RV Service of Virginia	Ashland, VA
27	Hollister Brewster, Alfonso Banuelos, Dolly Goel, Peter Gregor	Santa Clara Valley Medical Center	San Jose, CA
28	Anthony Cain	SleeveCo	Dawsonville, GA
29	Carmen Parisio, Wayne Tasaki	Avenel-Colonia First Aid Squad	Woodbridge, NJ
30	George Delis	City of New York	Astoria, NY
31	Christopher Clark	Department of Homeland Security	Washington, DC
32	Dean Miller	EPI Advanced	Sherman, MS
33	Mike Deatrick	Harrison County Sheriff's Department	Corydon, IN
34	Kenneth Henry	Henry’s Turkey Service	Proctor, TX
35	Kelly Housby, Kevin Housby	Housby Mack	Des Moines, IA
36	Robert Fromer	Inland Wetlands and Watercourses Commission	Windsor, CT
37	Larry Kay, Bryan Hunt	Missouri Veterans Commission	Jefferson City, MO
38	Milt Fowler	Parallax Program	Wichita, KS
39	John Wintermute	Petro-Lubricant Testing Laboratories	Lafayette, NJ
40	Jerry Wilson	Premier Adjusters	Houston, TX
41	Austin “Jack” DeCoster	Quality Eggs/DeCoster Farms	Alexander, IA
42	Nanjean Painter	Sheridan Health & Rehab Center	Zion, IL
43	Craig Ladiser	Snohomish County	Everett, WA
44	Cecilia Chang	St. John’s University	Queens, NY
45	Khalid Shirif	Sunrise Health & Hospice	Mesa, AZ
46	Steven Seagal	actor	Los Angeles, CA
47	Cory Bowman	Animal Control Division	Murray, UT
48	Robert Cwik	Bridgeton High School	Bridgeton, NJ
49	David Brooks	DHB Industries	Pompano Beach, FL
50	Jamey Brown	Doraville Police Department	Doraville, GA
51	Jim Childs, Patricia Miller, Suzanne Zamel, Lisa Takata	Jones Day	Los Angeles, CA
52	Brandon Riggan	Lowe's Home Improvement	Vancouver, WA
53	Mitchell Slavin, Barry Slavin, Jack Slavin, Julio Pereira, Chuck Clayton	M. Slavin & Sons	New York, NY
54	Myrl Serra	Montrose County District Attorney	Montrose, CO
55	David Elliott	Scranton Police Department	Scranton, PA
56	Greg Morgan	Snohomish County	Everett, WA
57	John Miller	Sooner Copy Machines	Oklahoma City, OK
58	James Murphy	St. Louis Sheriff's Department	St. Louis, MO
59	Craig Storey	Weber County Justice Court	Ogden, UT
60	Gary Williams	Boone County	Madison, WV
61	Timmy Christopher	Crowell Contract and Design	Crowell, TX
62	John H. Harris, Jr.	Galilee Baptist Church	Trenton, NJ
63	David Mikitka	Monarch Dental Associates	Burleson, TX
64	Michael Ceaser	New Birth Missionary Baptist Church	Lithonia, GA
65	Arthur Day	University of Texas Health Center	Houston, TX
66	Steven Lindheim	UW-Madison Fertility Clinic	Madison, WI
67	Ted Genoways	Virginia Quarterly Review	Charlottesville, VA
68	Ximena Salazar	Warner Bros	Burbank, CA
69	Bill Baker	Abilene Zoo	Abilene, TX
70	Michelle Tellez	City of Oxnard	Oxnard, CA
71	James McDonald	Consumers Energy	Grand Rapids, MI
72	David Ulanet	dentist	Little Falls, NJ
73	Casey Affleck	Flemmy Productions	Los Angeles, CA
74	Lynn Dyer	General Electric	Mobile, AL
75	Reginald Page	Hillsborough County Sheriff's Department	Tampa, FL
76	J. Patrick Barnes	Hunterdon County Prosecutor	Flemington, NJ
77	Brian Reed	Merchant Management Systems	Ashland, KY
78	Vadim Ponorovsky	Paradou Restaurant	New York, NY
79	Randy Smith	Quaker Oats	Danville, IL
80	Jenifer Keach	Rock County Coroner	Janesville, WI
81	Shawn Sadler	Sonic Drive-In	Grapevine, TX
82	Tim Horton	Starbucks	Irvine, CA
83	Mauricio Gaytan	The Spud Seller Inc	Monte Vista, CO
84	Lanier Boatwright	Three Rivers Regional Commission	Griffin, GA
85	Mel Guzman	University Club	New York, NY
86	Pam Roach	Washington State Senate	Olympia, WA
87	Barbara Bennett	Boston State Police Department	Boston, MA
88	Jamie Orrock	Brunswick County Board of Social Services	Bolivia, NC
89	Vernon Jones	DeKalb County	Decatur, GA
90	Ben Buisch	FedEx	Charleston, WV
91	Dale Smith	Fiber Glass Systems	San Antonio, TX
92	Wynn Anderson	Hanesbrands	New York, NY
93	Alan Schwartz	Honigman Miller Schwartz and Cohn	Detroit, MI
94	John Walczak	Jackson Elementary School	Janesville, WI
95	Steven Gorsline, Tim Williams	Kingston Department of Public Works	Kingston, NY
96	Arthur Klawitter	Maronda Homes	Ocala, FL
97	Walt Wyrsta	McFadden's Restaurant & Saloon	Philadelphia, PA
98	Pete Smith	Mountain River Trucking Company	Mount Airy, NC
99	John Minnis	Oregon Department of Safety Standards and Training	Salem, OR
100	Bart McDonald, Greg Hood	Sabol and Rice	Salt

What makes a good boss? (CNN opinion) ..

Bosses get a pretty bad rap. Where two or more employed people gather, you're sure to hear a story that involves the word "boss" and one of the following descriptors: "stupid," "dumb," "incompetent" or "clueless." Turn on the TV or go to the movies and bosses don't fare much better. They're either bumbling fools or conniving villains.

Bad bosses exist. We all know that. You can easily list all the qualities a bad boss possesses without having to think too much. But what makes a good boss? I'm not talking about the fanciful daydreams we have about a boss who wants to pay us seven figures for working one hour a day.

To find out, we asked employees about the best bosses they've had and what characteristics they hope to see in the people for whom they work.

Give and take
When freelance videographer Joe Vass describes the best boss he ever worked for, all of the qualities boil down to showing respect, a characteristic that many workers value regardless of what industry they're in.

"The best boss I ever had made me feel like a valued and important member of the team not through his words, but through his actions," Vass said. "He encouraged hard work, ingenuity and creativeness and valued everyone for who they were, and so we were inspired to work hard for ourselves and for him. He was always available for consultation and skilled at good, constructive criticism [and] suggestions."

As a result of this approachable and encouraging leadership, the team always recognized the boss as the leader and decision-maker. It was something the team thought he earned from them and didn't demand.

Debra Yergen, a director of marketing for a cardiac hospital, said she recognizes the value of giving to her employees and receiving something in return.

"As a member of the hospital's key management team, there are a lot of responsibilities I have that cannot be delegated," Yergen said. "But whatever I do assign to my staff, I make sure they see me do, too. I also make sure that when my staff works a really long shift one day and sometimes into the night they get rewarded with coming in late another day."

Were she to hand out orders that she herself couldn't do and provide no reward for the times when late hours cut into personal time, she might not have such a positive relationship with her employees.

Flexibility
Wayne Botha of Botha Consulting has learned the valuable of flexibility during his career working with IT project managers.

"The days of IT professionals working nine to five are gone. Project managers work flexible schedules in different time zones from around the world," Botha explains. "Good bosses focus on getting the job done, not on measuring the hours that a subordinate sits in the chair at the office."

The notion of a standard workday is fading for all professions, and life sure hasn't become more rigid. Personal obligations and family responsibilities make strict 9-to-5 work hours just as impossible. Flexibility matters to employees now more than ever.

Flexibility extends beyond handling schedules, though. It also applies to daily operations, reminds Daniel Mark Wheaton, the sales and operations manager for Canuka Web Solutions.

"A good boss is flexible about how things can be done. In being so, he or she opens the possibility of learning ways to do things better. [Of] equal importance is learning what not to do," Wheaton said.

"Flexibility in hiring is important, too. Qualifications and assets in a job posting should be guidelines. A boss should recognize that sometimes relevant work experience is more important than education background."

And so much more
What makes a good boss can't be distilled into one or two adjectives. As employees are eager to explain, good bosses encompass a broad range of qualities that make going to work enjoyable. According to workers, here are other ways bosses can be allies and not enemies:

• "Be consistent and predictable. It is hard for subordinates to make the boss look good when the boss behaves erratically and every situation seems to result in a unique decision." – Botha
• "They are able to get you to do something without using coercive tactics or bullying. They're able to frame the discussion in the same way a good basketball coach tells you what the best play will be." – Andrew Lee, co-founder and CEO of JamLegend.com
• "Promote from within. Develop your subordinates and then promote them when the opportunity arises. Subordinates will quickly understand your intentions when you always hire people from outside your organization for top positions." – Botha
• "A good boss will defend your actions (when they are defensible) and will help you when there is a problem." -- Deborah Graham
• "A good boss understands that every task given to you cannot be your No. 1, top priority and will work with you to readjust priority lists if necessary." – Graham
• "A good boss knows the overall value each employee brings to the organization, and keeps that in mind. So, a single transgression by an otherwise excellent employee doesn't demand the same response as the same transgression by an employee who consistently makes mistakes." – Bruce Campbell, vice president of marketing at Clare Computer Solutions
• "A good boss keeps you informed about what is happening at the higher management levels and what projects might be coming down the road." – Graham

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By Anthony Balderrama, CareerBuilder.com

15 Things Not to Say to Your Boss ..

“Think before you speak” is always a good policy, and in the workplace the maxim could be further refined to “think before you blurt out something to your boss that could hurt your career.” We checked in with some bosses, and came up with this list of 15 phrases bosses definitely don’t want to hear: 

1. “I’m only doing this job for the money.”
No boss wants to hear that your sole motivation for showing up is your paycheck. She may know that money is your motivation, and you may know she knows, but it’s still better left unsaid.

2. “I’m broke/in debt/one step away from bankruptcy.”
Your financial woes are not your boss’s concern. Period.

3. “I’m going to quit after I (fill in the blank).”
No matter how noble your future plans are -- you may be saving to start your own company or go to grad school, for example -- it’s usually best to keep those plans to yourself or to refer to them only vaguely. If your boss knows there is a definite end date to your employment, she may start to shop around for your replacement before you are ready to leave.

4. “I partied a little too hard last night.”
Buck up and get through the day with some ibuprofen, extra undereye concealer and coffee. But don’t share the sordid details of your night on the town with your boss. He’s just as likely to react with (unspoken) disdain as sympathy.

5. “It’s not my fault.”
Are you a whiny 8-year-old or a take-charge professional? Assume responsibility and take steps to fix a problem that you did, in fact, create. And if you are being wrongly blamed for a problem, saying “let’s get to the bottom of this” or “what can we do to make it right?” is much more effective than saying “it’s not my fault.”

6. “I’m bored/this job is boring.”
Didn’t your mother ever tell you that only boring people get bored? If you’re constantly twiddling your thumbs, ask for extra work and be as specific as you can. And if you’re busy but think your assigned tasks are less-than-stimulating, start strategizing about how you can get the job you want, either within your company or elsewhere.

7. “My job is too easy.”
Sure, you may think a monkey could do your job. But don’t give your boss any ideas -- your company could probably pay a monkey less than it pays you.

8. “I can’t work with so and so. I hate him.”
Involving your boss in personality conflicts should always be your last resort. So unless you are being threatened, scapegoated, encouraged to participate in unethical behavior, or your colleague or customer is engaged in other egregious workplace conduct, try to work it out between yourselves first.

9. “I can’t do that because of my other job.” In your boss’s mind, a second job is not a valid excuse for why you can’t stay late, work extra hours or finish a project on time. She may question your priorities, and rightly so.

10. “Oh my Gawd! How did you do this job before the Internet/text messaging/Skype?”
Although not a cardinal workplace sin, making your boss feel old will not score you any points.

11. Sigh. Grimace. Eye roll. Wretching noises.
Actions can speak louder than words. A poker face and silence are golden when you’re displeased with your boss.

12. “Do it yourself!”
No need for explanation. Just never say this. Ever.

13. “It’s always been done this way.”
You don’t want to gain a reputation as an inflexible dinosaur, so keep an open mind about how you do your work. And if you’re convinced that a new way of doing things is going to harm your company, present your case without using “because that’s the way we’ve always done it” to support your position.

14. “Let me set you up with...”
Avoid the urge to play matchmaker for your single boss. The potential benefit is far outweighed by the potential risk. For that matter, any socializing with your boss (even something as simple as friending him on Facebook) can cause you to share too much information, so consider limiting social interactions entirely.

15. “Sorry, I must have drifted off.” C’mon, wake up! If you’re caught with your eyes closed, feign deep concentration rather than admit you were dozing.

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By Megan Malugani

10 Ways to Manage Bad Bosses – according to CNN.com

Do you ever think your boss behaves like a child going through the "terrible twos," throwing tantrums or reverting to a little lost lamb when in over his or her head?

I call this regression "Terrible Office Tyrant" (TOT) behavior. TOTs can act like schoolyard bullies afraid to reveal the slightest incompetence, or like helpless children. They can be fickle, stubborn or needy or have irrational fears. And they can consume your workday, not to mention wreak havoc on productivity and profits.

A bad economy, workplace pressures and stress can trigger the many striking similarities between bad bosses and terrible tykes. We're all human, and behind a boss's professional facade is often a grown kid who can't handle his or her power.

When your boss slips into any of the 10 classic TOT behaviors, including the "bratty" type (overly demanding, stubborn, self-centered or tantrum-throwing) or the "little lost lamb" variety (fickle or overly fearful), you can use proven parental techniques and actually thrive in your job. By seeing the childlike motives behind a boss's (or co-worker's) actions, you can better manage even the most difficult situations.

Use C.A.L.M.
The top four tips to keeping your office from being a corporate playpen are best described by the acronym C.A.L.M.: communicate, anticipate, laugh and manage up:

1. Communicate
Communicate frequently, openly and honestly. Savvy TOT-tamers take the initiative to establish an open dialogue. At work, stay aligned with your boss's objectives rather than focusing on your pet projects, so that your work remains consistent with what's most critical to management.

By bravely opening the dialogue, you'll also avoid misunderstandings with co-workers; other factors may be contributing to an ignored e-mail or seemingly unfriendly response, such as a tight deadline or pressure from the boss.

2. Anticipate
Be alert for problems and prepared with solutions. Offer answers to emerging issues; don't add to the pile of problems if you want to avoid triggering bad behavior. Your boss wants to delegate as much as possible -- as long as you make the process worry-free. Know when to stay away if you expect a tantrum is coming down the hall.

3. Laugh
Use humor, or what I call "the great diffuser" of tension, to break down interpersonal logjams. Laughter helps create bonds and reminds us of our larger purpose: to work together with upbeat, constructive energy. We can and should be able to accomplish great things as a team at work, while having some fun. Take the initiative to do this and watch the seething subside.

4. Manage up
Let yourself shine by being a problem-solver and collaborator. You can be a beacon of positive energy for your boss, co-workers and team. Part of managing up also means setting limits to bad behavior. Oftentimes TOTs are unaware of the effect of their actions. You can influence these actions, and your skills will be transferable to any job.

Advanced TOT-taming tips
Here are some specifics on how to tame your TOT and humanize your workplace. Try these time-honored "parenting" techniques:

5. Don't fight fire with fire
If your TOT is tantrum- or bully-prone, mirroring his childish behavior is a downward spiral. Avoid the temptation to win the battle and lose the war. Instead, calmly and concisely tell your boss how his or her actions affected you. Keep a matter-of-fact tone and be factual. Use "I" statements rather than "you" to avoid an accusatory demeanor.

6. Use positive and negative reinforcement
When bosses set aside their worst TOT traits, respond with gratitude and comment on how it inspires you to do your best. Praising positive actions is a powerful way to foster better behavior. Over time, your boss will link the better management style with positive employee morale and results. Remember, if there's something in it for your boss, you can effect change.

7. Know your timing
Timing can be everything, with a child or an office tyrant. Learn the best times of day to approach your boss. Study his or her patterns, mood swings and hot buttons and plan your interactions accordingly. It can make the difference between a pleasant "yes" and an irrevocable "no!" If you anticipate problems with solutions, you become indispensable.

8. Be a role model
Project the highest ethical standards and radiate positive energy. Maintain a balanced demeanor and approach each crisis (real or imagined) with a rational style. Your boss often needs a sounding board and you can be a valued voice of reason and calm when issues emerge.

9. Package your information well
Some TOTs can be frustrating when they're inattentive or unavailable. It can seem like a form of corporate ADD, or as I call it, BADD (boss attention deficit disorder). BADD bosses can't focus on important tasks and allow e-mails, text messages, phones and people to interrupt their (and your) flow.

Make sure you understand your boss's ideal communication method, package your work in an appealing way and make your presentations engaging and interactive. Make it irresistible for your boss to find out about your projects.

10. Set boundaries
Let bosses know privately when they've gone over the line, but do so diplomatically. Keep the conversation focused on your work product. If your manager is intentionally malicious, that's another matter that requires more serious action. If, after repeated efforts for cooperation (such as with a bully boss and unsupportive management), you may be best off looking elsewhere. You have to determine how much strife you can handle.
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By Lynn Taylor

10 Tips To Become A Better Boss

It's pretty hard, says Bernie Erven, to find someone who says, “I've got good employees, but they've got a lousy boss.” More often, says the Ohio State University professor emeritus in employee and labor management, he hears this complaint: “I don't have any problems. It's my employees.”

The reality, he says, is “You will be about as good a boss as you choose to be.” Your reputation as a boss, and how that reputation influences your relationship with your employees and fellow managers, is the sum of the choices you have made and continue to make.

“Being a better boss is about you and your standards and your choices. It's not about natural ability.”

It is, however, all about being willing to change, he adds, because becoming a better boss is no different than becoming better at anything else: You have to work at it and you have to be willing to learn how to do it differently if what you're doing now isn't working to your satisfaction.

“That's at the heart of being a better boss,” he says. “Can you be a good boss for the next 10 years if you refuse to change? You'll still be on your employees' bad list. Or you won't have any employees at all.”

Here are 10 areas where supervisors can make choices to help their bottom line:

1. Welcome change. “Accept the fact that change is difficult. And so, if you're going to be a leader, what does your own attitude about change have to be? Positive”. Say you want to introduce a new procedure. If you want your employees to change, you've got to give them information about the what, the why and the when. “Some of your very best employees might resist change because they aren't yet persuaded that the change is reasonable, is justifiable, and is worth the risk”. That means employees need the information, but also some time to work it through. They need to be able to ask questions. “So if you're going to welcome change and lead change and help people change over time as part of being a good boss, you've got to allow time. It can't be done in a crisis.”
2. Emphasize communication. Supervising employees is about building relationships, Erven says, and you can't relate if you can't communicate. “The most important single skill that can be learned, practiced, improved and evaluated is communication. You've got to make communication your key to building relationships”. The two most important places bosses can improve are in how they send messages and their ability to listen. Some people are readers; some aren't. “So you've got to know the people you're communicating with.”
3. Have clearly understood procedures, policies and rules. “Is it fair to hire someone, not tell them what the job is, and then criticize them for not doing it well? Absolutely not,” Erven says. “Whatever the critical tasks are, teach the procedures. Leaving employees to figure out how to do what they've been hired to do is a sign of poor leadership. Make procedures understandable, practical and simple. Have clear policies and rules to guide and explain the whys.”
4. Show enthusiasm. “How many of you had a high school coach who announced, ‘We're going to lose all our games, but let's practice anyway’? I'm absolutely convinced that enthusiasm is an invaluable personal characteristic for bosses,” Erven says. “I'm talking about having an interest in your job and I'm talking about if sometimes you have to pretend to be enthusiastic until your bad mood passes, do it. Your employees don't want to know your problems. They want you to be enthusiastic.”
5. Be fair. Consistently enforce rules, Erven says, and in all cases avoid bias, dishonesty and injustice. Doing this means you will be accused of being unreasonable at times, because you will make decisions based on careful reasoning, whereas employees often make decisions based on emotion. It's also wise to separate your personal world from your employee-boss world. “Be friendly with all the people you supervise, but be buddy to none of them,” Erven says.
6. Show empathy. Just because you have to make decisions based on clearly defined policies and procedures doesn't mean you shouldn't empathize with your employees. Empathy, Erven says, is understanding the other person's situation. For example, two people are vying for a promotion and you choose Kendra over Kirk. “Who should get the news first? Kirk. Give him the chance to save face with everybody else by giving him the information first, rather than by learning it from Kendra coming away from your talk with a big smile on her face. That's showing empathy.”
7. Display trust. “Believe in your employee's word, their integrity, their strengths, their assurance,” he says. “In other words, be in a position where you can trust the people around you. To have to say to an employee ‘I don't trust you’ is a damaging relationship.”
8. Continue learning. You will never know all you need to know, he says, and there isn't a supervisor out there who is ready to manage a 2012 business. Many bosses have been supervising people for longer than some of their employees have been alive. “And you don't understand them.” But they're your workforce and you've got to continue learning to be an effective boss.
9. Be flexible. “Adjust your leadership style for each person you supervise,” he suggests. “Delegate as much authority and responsibility as you can. That's part of being flexible.”
10. Envision the success you're working to have. What is your vision for your people? What is your vision for your relationship with them? Having that clearly in mind will make it an easier goal to accomplish.

Grade yourself
Erven suggests supervisors honestly grade themselves on each of these 10 points. “Then ask one of your employees to ask the same thing of everybody you supervise, anonymously. Ask a trusted co-manager or supervisor to give you a grade on each of them.”

Then look at the results. “If you gave yourself an A on communication and everybody else gave you a C, what's that telling you?”

Finally, develop a plan for improving your performance on these 10 items. “What will increase your chances of success? Having specific, measurable goals. And what will also increase your success is a coach, mentor, someone around you who helps you be honest with yourself and see the choices.”

By Brijj.com